Conquistador.

Wednesday:

So I leave tomorrow morning at around 9 am to go to the airport for Europe and I can't stop thinking about the fact that I am actually leaving. I have never really ever been that far away from my comfort zone. Christ, I go to college five minutes away from my house, so as much as college has helped me really settle in to the idea of being an adult, I think this is the turning point for my mental maturation. This whole thing really hasn't settled in until this past night where I picked up my backpack from a person whom I am very fond of and that is Emily Roberts. She lent me a backpack and more personal advice than I could have asked for. I hope to become half the conquistador she is. If you don't know her, you should. Make it happen.

I realized that when I tell people what I am doing they automatically are either envious of me or frightened half to death by the idea. My mother since the day after Christmas, when I decided to do this, has asked me to take a "buddy" along with me. She is afraid of the idea that I am alone and when people say that it's not safe to do this by myself, in a way I appreciate that they are worried about what happens to me. When someone is scared for you, they really show how much they care about you. I think that's an incredibly intimate way of caring for someone, and 9 times out of 10 the person doesn't pick up on it at all.

So when I leave I will not be bringing my phone because knowing me I will lose it in LAX before I even got on the plane. It's a funny thing being away from your cell phone for a long period of time. Most of us have never had that experience since we got into the habit of using a cell phone everyday. We have become so connected to one another it seems almost impossible to disconnect. I don't see myself as disconnecting (despite my intentions) but I will be distancing myself from the instantaneous relationships we have with each other. Besides a few phone calls, a few emails, and this blog I will have nearly no contact with any of you.

7 weeks feels like a long time but in retrospect it is a short moment. It seems like a long time because I feel so uncomfortable being a new place with new people and I don't know how to do anything. I have a feeling it will feel something similar to the first month of school. I will be shy and will do nothing to stand out until I realize that I have nothing to lose. I will be back sooner or later and it will pass by very quickly as everything does. So I'll keep you updated with the world from my eyes.