I Remember You Were Beautiful When I Met You Yesterday.

Between pastels and the dark chartreuse sounds we used to brew up at night beneath the sheets and judgments. I can tell that your hair doesn't smell of smoke as much and your skin's pigment has faded into a deep pale. It sounds like you. It really does. Sober eyes really does wonders for you and yours. But I wanted to make it clear that there are levels of love I can't deny I still reminisce about. Your sensations. Your hands. Your warmth. And everything that you used to use against me. Second measures are little, to non existent. Catch me. Help me breath when I reach for you. Call home for me please, because I don't get reception under your thumb. It get quite lonely around here. Tell them I'll send cards.

I Burn

I burn for the reckless abandonment that we maintain

I burn for far moments that stand alone

I burn for the right

I burn for however long I choose

I burn for those who don't

I burn for fuck

I burn for religion

I burn for joy

I burn for sight, sound, and accumulation

I burn for desperate measure

I burn for rebelliousness

I burn for fuck

I burn for children

I burn with cancer

I burn. I burn. I burn.

Get Ready, Its Comin', Its Gunna Happen, Get Ready

Saturday:

When I heard that summer was ending, I realized that there wasn't much that I could do about it. Summers come and go, and sometimes they are exactly what you hoped for and sometimes they really don't live up to their potential. I always watch the bad movies about the last summer before college where a dumb kid falls in love with a dumb girl even though they both know that they are going to break up 45 minutes after the movie ends. These summers really either put a dent into your brain and never let you forget them, or they are so painfully slow that you couldn't remember them if you tried. You don't really know how important summer is to you until you lose it. The idea of "summer" is a childish perk and gives us that freedom to have moments of love and pain without any type of serious structural shape. I'm in that transitional point in my life where summer has really lost its value because I know that I wont be able to have one that will compare to the one that I just had. I walked through Europe without washing my close for five weeks, I laid on the beach, I became an uncle, I threw up my fair share of nights, and I completely ran out of money. I really can't complain.

Infant Envy

Tuesday:

You know, its a funny thing; kids that is. Two weeks ago today the one of the rather more significant things came in my general vicinity.  Weighing just barely a hair over 8 pounds, my nephew Devin came home to my family and I. You never really know what your life is going to end up like. You start out as a smaller version of you that basically doesnt contribute to society besides the joyous occasion of your birth and the blessing to your family. He doesn't talk, he doesn't eat much, and he has yet to pick my brother up from football practice, but one thing he does do is he just watches you as you live. I feel like the individual days I live aren't specifically that significant in my life, but my overall general path is really setting me in place into where I hope to end up and possibly with a pocket full of memories, good and bad. But each day he wakes up he is different. His skin seems to be that much tougher, the air seems to blow that much warmer, and the atmosphere seems to be that much more normal. Everyday he's bigger looking more and more like his father. The world is yet to be as difficult as we all make it out to be. He has no taxes to pay, no insurance bills, and no girlfriend. I try and think about what my life would be like without some of those thing and it leaves a bitter sweet taste in my mouth. Do I envy infancy? Do I envy the ignorance of childhood? Yes and no. We always say that when we were kids, we didn't have this weight of the world on our shoulders. But I tend to disagree. When I was a kid I had the weight of whether or not Amanda Schat had a crush on me. I had the weight of whether or not I can color inside the lines in my Aladdin coloring book. I had the weight that I had to try and stay away from Murphy; the big black dog who lived across the street from Acacia Park. Weight of the world? I guess it really depends on whether or not you'll allow yourself to be crushed by that weight and if so, are you able to get back up. Amanda Schat seemed to be the most important thing in my life, to the point where I thought I might marry her. I even told Alex Heck that I might. Does that have the same weight as our insurance bills or our tax returns? Do our marriages feel like they are the Rock of Gibraltar and if they fall then we will be alone, indefinitely. In my life they do. I have always done the justice to my soul as to wear my heart on my sleeve and won't leave any emotion I have left behind. It's all or nothing. So I look at my baby nephew as a person new to the world with so much love around him, and possibly the best parents a person could ask for. And I know that the world is waiting for him. I know that even though they may not seem like it, but the days really do count, no matter how old a person may seem. 

Writer's Blog

Tuesday:

With an exception to the words I pieced together while I was away, I realized that I have a blog and I have yet to become an actual blogger. Fuck that. Bloggers to me have an interest in designing words together to have someone read it so that they might look a bit more intelligent than they see themselves. Blogging is an attempt to reach a level of importance or a specific status, if you will. What I try and see myself as is an aspiring writer. The distinction of a writer compared to a blogger is that a writer in my eyes puts words together that would have been arranged the same way in his/her head. When you sit down and read, the voice in your head that reads aloud to your mind is not in your own voice, but in theirs. You can see their lips move and their teeth make a last attempt to kept a bit of saliva behind the hole in the face that we have deemed to be our communication link; the mouth. So in a sense a blogger blogs to have certain individuals read what is written, and a writer writes for no one but themselves. They are just writing words that were going to be written down at some time or another. Whether it be today, tomorrow, or the last manuscript I can seem to muster. 

But like I said, I am no writer. I am an aspiring writer. People put too much weight in the idea of being a writer. If I am a writer than everyone in the goddamn neighborhood is a writer including the mailman. As long as you keep putting words in your head to a page, then you must be a writer because thus the definition of a writer is "one who writes" I am pretty sure. So it doesn't really matter what you write down, but the fact that you write seems enough justification to call you a writer. It just all kind of depends. Because no one really goes around giving out that title, so I strive for that kind of notification. I am an aspiring writer because I have yet to have someone blatantly give me such a name. So I aspire to write with the conviction of what I have left in my tank and maybe someday it will touch someone enough for them to give out such a nomination. I look forward to the day when my words are worth more than the keyboard that were pressed in such a complex pattern. I'll see you then. 

Aye to the Shores of Americay

Saturday:

So here it is. Its over. Its done and I'm not sure how to feel about it all. There are moments in life that really stand out and make a dominant advance in the maturation of your life and I believe that this endeavor has been something close to that. As I sit in an internet cafe in downtown Dublin next to a Peruvian woman screaming into the microphone of her computer as she is on Skype with her mother, I realize that I have put myself into the most uncomfortable situations I have ever been in. And the funny thing about it all is that all of it was on purpose. I intended to see myself in difficult situations with people who really make you feel like your skin is itching and somehow I figured that it would all come together in a lasting piece of the puzzle called my youth. And I think it was a success.

There have been moments when I sat in a hostel bed with no one who speaks English around me and I have never felt so alone. There have been moments where I felt nothing but companionship and friendship from people who I had met nearly twenties minutes before they bought me two rounds of Guinness because they said that I should see Ireland the right way. Last night I sat in a pub next two a few girls from Indiana on my left and a guy that was so drunk his pony scrunchie came out because he was headbanging to the fiddle strumming 'Galway Girl'. I sat back and I closed my eyes and was elated. I had made it through what seemed at times to be some of the most difficult things I have had to endure for moments like that. It was the closest thing to an explanation of why my family is the way it is.

I look forward to coming home because there are things that I miss that I never thought I would and some things that I left knowing that I would long for them like no other. Theres that thing about being home that everyone in a way takes for granted until you've been so far away that all you want is to do is smell the breeze of the ocean and the hyperion plant mixed together because thats what home smells like. You want to listen to a stupid argument at the dinner table between your brother and your mother about how Mr. Kerker's political views and perspective of women's rights are not abnormal. All you want to do is wrestle with your little brother when he is getting ready for a date and have your mother clench her teeth so hard you can hear them grind as she spits out words of rage trying to pry you away from each other. I don't think that most people have that vision of home, but thats the world that I have left behind and I shall be returning to rather soon. Its not perfect in any sense but its what I see to be normal and I would find it nothing less as I grow older.

There are a few things that I learned about myself since I have been here.

1. I find that when I am forced to, I can be one real sonuvabitch to anyone who gives me the raw end of a deal.
2. When forced to, I can use any public bathroom no matter what shape/size/race/smell. When you have to shit, you gotta do what you gotta do. (Yea mom I said that).
3. I cannot stand Polish meth adicts.
4. I am able to go a few days without eating if I keep myself busy.
5. I have become pretty decent at haggling with Italians.
6. The moment the music starts, is the moment I start dancing.
7. The English countryside looks much better when it is accompanied with the Simon and Garfunkel Greatest Hits Soundtrack.
8. Laker basketball has become an obsession. I have become one hell of a fan.
9. There is not one black woman in France who has real hair. (Thats not really about me, I just thought it was important to throw in).
10. Making decisions spur of the moment is better than waiting and losing your opportunity to make one at all together.

So I leave for the airport in a few hours where I will sit and wait for the morning. I have a little less than 36 hours before I am actually home. I'll be happy to see everyone and I couldn't have done this without my friends and especially my family. My Mom and Dad despite their differences have agreed on the same thing for the first time in a while. They both constantly supported my decisions and have had my back since I started. Its been a hell of a ride and I'll hopefully do this again in a few years. We'll see. I'll see you all soon. Thanks.

I'll Have the Irish Car Bomb

Tuesday:

I am currently in Galway with less than a week left on my adventure and it really has been nothing less of unforgetable. Today I took a tour through the western part of Ireland where I got the opportunity to see the Cliffs of Mohr. When I came over the ridge and saw the cliffs, I was at a loss for words (which is very rare for me). I walked the cliffs for nearly an hour and continued the tour through the hills to see castles and tombs. The lush green of Ireland really is really something in itself. But a word of advice, try not to do a 7.5 hour tour while you're hungover. Probably not the best idea, but it does make an interesting conversation starter.

Last night I met some people from the University of Missouri. You know its funny, I came to Ireland to get some real Irish tradition and meet the real Irish people, and the only people I can manage to meet are American. But either way, they were so rad. There were a group of them who have been studying in Dairy, Ireland and came to Galway for a weekend trip. There were about 6 girls and 4 guys and we hit the pubs pretty damn hard which was great. If you're a whiskey fan, the Jameson Whiskey runs pretty well around here.

So now, I have one day left here and then on Thursday morning I head back to Dublin for a few days to meet up with some Australians I met from before. Then on Saturday I am going to have lunch and then head to the airport where I will be staying the night in because my flight leaves so early in the morning, and the busses don't run super early. So the week is pretty much booked for me and I'm doing well. I hope all is well at home and I can't wait to see everyone. I'll probably post one more time before my return.

Put a Cork in It!

Monday:

Right now I am in Cork and will be until Friday or Saturday. Cork is a really nice little town that is on the south part of the island. I am really just kind of hangin out around here because its not as busy as Dublin and that is a good thing and a bad thing in many ways. I'm really just relaxing which is nice. I found a hostel that is very cozy and feels like a home so I don't feel uncomfortable there at all. I met some people here that were just passing through, so I did some things with them. I saw the Blarney Castle (and yes I kissed that sonuvabitch) and I went to a small coastal town by the name of Cobh. Its been pretty relaxed. I make my own dinner in the self serve kitchen and I get to watch my share of TV.

The weather has been mediocre at best which is fine considering the stretch of two weeks where it was nothing but sunshine before this. So it will rain every once in a while which kind of limits the opportunities to go out, which is fine with me. I plan on going to Galway next week for a few days and then head back to Dublin where I fly out of. I am really getting excited to come home and can't wait to see everyone.

I know I have two weeks left but it really feels like everything is coming to an end. I feel like the 21 is right around the corner. I hear that I'm not missing much back at home but one thing I am missing is the opportunity to work out. Obviously I can't go to the gym or anything and I can't afford to go for a run and get my clothes all sweaty. So I have been subjected to doing situps and pushups in the bathroom in secrecy at night. But other than that thats pretty much it. There hasn't been much action lately and thats ok. I'm happy and healthy and safe. Its all good. And yes I have been watching the Lakers, even though I have to stay up till 2 AM to watch them. Booya. I hope all is well. Love.

Captain Moonlight

Saturday:

I know I posted yesterday but a lot has happened in a short period of time. Its amazing how quickly your emotions can really put you in a slump and then the very next moment completely turn around on you. Let me explain:

This past week has been long. I have been roaming around Dublin looking for new things to do that didn't cost money but I didn't have much going for me. So everyday I would leave the hostel at 11 and come back at 2 and have lunch take a nap and pretty much wait for the day to end. I was worried about my money and how long it was going to last and what I was going to do to occupy my time here because there is only so much sight seeing a person can do. That's no way to be on vacation and that's not how I wanted this to go. So I was pretty much stuck and I wasn't sure how to fix it. I miss home so much, I found myself watching reruns of "The Hills". This lady from Portugal caught me, it was quite embarrassing. Then I called home to hear familiar voices.

After I got off the phone with my Mom I called my Dad. Now I will be the first person to say it, I am not one to let my parents get the best of me. I have the audacity to try very hard to do my own thing without help from anyone, may that be my strength or weakness. But I called home in my slump and I spoke to my father. From the moment I got on the phone I knew that my Dad could hear that I wasn't exactly right. He talked to me a bit and knocked some goddamn sense in to my brain.

I was going to be in Ireland for much too long. I was stretched over a long period of time and that was taking a toll on me. After a good long talk he told me that if I wanted to come home sooner than planned I can and he would help me if I need any money or anything which was an amazingly generous thing to do. I hadn't thought about that idea before but it was making a lot of sense to me now. I hung up the phone and looked into a flight change. Fortunately it worked out so that I will be coming home a week and a half earlier than planned and even though that doesn't sound like much, it is a long time if you're by yourself with not a ton to do. So I booked the flight for June 21 and I'm elated. There was something that was lifted off of my shoulders and as I walked out of the internet cafe I felt very much relieved. My father and I might not see each other everyday, but he saw right through me and that humbled me in a thousand ways. I haven't had my parents really stretch out their arm to me and I allow them to grab me in a long time. But I was glad I let that happen. Sometimes despite my efforts, my parents know better than I do.

So I walked out a different person and it was amazing. I got into my hostel and I swear to God it was a gift from God. 5 young guys were sitting in the hostel drinking. As gay as it sounds, I have never been so happy to see a lot of guys like that in my life. We all started talking and we went out drinking last night. It was my first time here going out at night, being with people, and drinking like I should be doing.

We went to this pub called The Stags Head and got beer and went down into their basement and listened to the best goddamn fiddle I have ever heard in my life. I was sitting in an Irish pub, drinking Guinnes, surrounded by people like me, listening to the music of my family. This was the greatest moment of my entire life. I sat there and I just closed my eyes and I was the happiest I had been in a long time. There is no greater feeling than that. It was a truly life changing experience. That is the very reason I came to Europe was for last night.

So my trip has been flipped upside down, in and out, and back again and its been one hell of a ride so far. When people ask me what I'm doing when I over here, "Why did you come? What are you doing here?" And the only thing I can think of when I get asked that is that I'm to try. I am trying. I'm trying to figure it out as I go. I'm trying to learn about myself. I'm trying to come back a better person. Thats the idea. I much more interested in that than monuments and theaters.

So don't worry about me. Everything is right. I'm ok even when I'm not ok. I figured everything out with a bit of help.

Thanks Dad.

Molly Malone Ain't Got Nothing On Me!

Friday:

For the first two weeks of my trip the time seemed to race by like it was nothing because of the intense situations and my stress level. It looks like my world is slowing and it takes a bit of a different affect on me. It really gives me time to think about things and everyone back at home. I have been in Dublin since Sunday and have so far really enjoyed it. I went and saw the Guiness Storehouse and that was pretty rad. I met a few travelers from Missouri and so I went with them to the top of the Gravity Bar and had some beer which was awesome. I got a chance to really see some of the city and the place really hops with a bunch of life which a cool thing to experience.

I haven't met anybody to really go out and travel with and thats ok with me. I have been doing a lot of reading. So far I read a travel book that Karen gave me by Rick Steves, I finished The Da Vinci Code in a few days, and now I'm on to The Lord of the Flies with The Sun Also Rises in my back pocket. Its been an interesting experience to go back to your bed and look forward to a book to really keep you company. Its something that I have never had to go through and I think it has really helped me in a lot of ways.

I leave for Cork on Wednesday and I will be there for ten days. It is a bit of a long time to stay in one place as I am experiencing in Dublin but with the deals that I have gotten I can't really pass them up. So I will hopefully do some hiking and a bit more reading. I miss everyone so much and I can't wait to come home and go to the beach and have a real hamburger. There hasn't been too much adventure for me, except for the fact that I have been pooped on by a bird. Yes this is true. And yes it was not very pleasant, as you can imagine. But hey, at least I can come home with that crazy story of how I got pooped on by a seagul in Dublin. Yea you're right, thats not a very good story.

Either way, I am alive and I am well. The world has been treating me right (despite the birds) and I have been doing my best to repay the favor. (And Mike Leach I appreciate the quotes. Don't think they have gone unnoticed. Love you Bud.)

Cheers Mate

Saturday:

The last time I posted I was in Torino, Italy in a Holiday Inn and I was freaking out, lets be honest. I freaked out for a long time after that but now I am on my way to relaxing a bit. I am currently in Bristol, England and on my way to Ireland tomorrow morning. I know what you're thinking, how did I get here? I'll explain:

I woke up in Torino and got on a train to Milan that took about two hours which wasn't bad. It was all pretty nice actually. I get to Milan, and being the spoiled kid that I am, I would assume the airport isnt too far from the train station. So I ask around about where the airport is and the only thing these people can say is "bus". So I look for a bus. I find one that has a butt load of people on it and I go up to the driver and ask if its going to the airport. He asks me "Which one?". I wasn't ready for that curveball so I just said whatever was on the front of the bus, so I responded with "Malpense?". That was dumb. I am on the bus (that cost me 7 euro, what a ripoff) for 55 minutes. Holy shit is the only thing I can think of. I am the only one who speaks english and I can't just ask to get off because I would be stranded in the middle of the Italian country side which may seem nice, but not nice at all.

So we get to the airport and all I want to do is get to Ireland. So I go up and ask the lady at the ticket stand about their flights to Ireland (the night before I looked up flight times and whatnot and there were three flights leaving from an airport in Milan for Ireland, I was in the wrong airport). She says she has no flights to Ireland at all. So I ask what is going north that will get me out of Milan for cheap. She tells me Scotland, Amsteram and Bristol. Scotland and Amsterdam were way too much money and I had never heard of Bristol. Great. So I talk with her for a while and I pay for the one in Bristol that leaves like 6 hours later that night.

I try to check in and they wont let me because its too early so I have to sit my ass in the waiting area for nearly 3 1/2 hours. They have a strict policy on the carry on bag that you bring so if it doesn't fit in this designated box then you have to check it for 20 euro. I was no down with that so I kept making sure my bag would fit by readjusting all the crap in my pack. I finally check in and everything is cool. I go through security, have a piece of pizza and I am at my gate with hours to go. I go to buy a water and my passport is gone. Yea I know, shit!

So I'm absolutely flipping out. Pulling everything out of my bag, going back to the pizza place, asking these Scottish people in kilts if they have seen it. Nothing. So I'm running through the airport looking for this thing. I go through the airport 4 times front to back re-tracing my steps every time. Nothing. I get emo and I sit at the gate thinking my life is totally shit. I have to come home because I can't do this on my own apparently. But then I think about where it could be. So I go back and ask the check in lady if she has it and she doesn't. I'm about to cry. Literally and I'm walking through security for the 10th time and God looks at me and says stop being such a little bitch, and shows me my passport that is laying against the security line. Holy shit. He made me realize that my day could have gone from bad to worse. I am very thankful for having a bad day. That was the first time in a long time that I felt that God has blatantly spoke to me.

So I'm on this high, because I found my passport and I'm not a little bitch anymore. I get into Bristol at around 12 at night and I get interrogated as if I'm a terrorist by the check in people. I get through the check in and I go to take out money and then there is this girl on the phone and she is talking to a friend of hers. She is talking about how she can't find and open hostel and blah blah blah. So I ask her if she is backpacking and looking for a place to stay and she says yea. So we decide to share a cab and split the fare. She agrees and so we find this travel lodge all the way in the center of the city. We split this family room and we start talking. She is this crazy British lesbian with arm-pit hair than I do who has the most filthy mouth that I have ever heard. She was so freaking cool and I couldn't stand it. I showed her a picture of Kyra and the only thing she says is "DAMN SHES SO HOT!" and I was speechless.

That night couldn't have worked out any better because if I hadn't met her, I would have paid full price of both the cab and the room. It's funny how things like that turn about and how sometimes even the most different people can be the person that you are looking for. She was the first real friend I have made here, and she really has helped me get back on my feet just by being in the right place at the right time.

Now I have been in Bristol for two nights and will spend the night here again at another hostel and will leave for Dublin in the morning. Bristol is a quaint little place and I'm happy that I got a chance to stay here. I got an all you can eat pizza place the other night and if they would have known I was an American, I'm not sure they would have let me in. I nearly put them out of business. I asked them if they had any Ranch Dressing and the girl said she had never heard of it. I nearly fainted.

But I'm looking forward to Ireland and not spending an arm and a leg every time I need a place to crash. I booked ten nights in a hostel where I got a really good deal, and now I'm just chillin. I will do what I can to post from Ireland but I doubt it will be for at least another week. I look forward to seeing/hearing from all of you.

Oui Oui in Pari

Wednesday:

Alright so reality has been hitting me pretty hard in the last few days. I am currently in Torino, Italy and I think I will be cutting this part of Europe way short. Let me explain from the begining:

London was an interesting city because of the fact that you could pretty much see everything you wanted to really see in one day and then you didnt know what to do after that. So it almost parylized me. I went out and did what I could but it was kind of tough in a sense. For example I went to the park and read for a while and kind of watched the city breath and that was nice. Then when it started to almost depress me, I made up my mind and decided to stop being a wuss. So I went down to the Irish pub called Omalleys and I had myself a goddamn Guiness. After a beer and a burger I said that this is my vacation and I am not going to let a city parylize me. Haha, little did I know Paris was much different.

I got on the train that costed me a good 60 euro, which is pretty much a 90 dollar train ride, and headed to Paris. Not know what to expect or where to go I pushed my way through the city streets. As I was half way down the first street, I realized that I dont have a place to stay and I cant speak any French besides what Pheobe tried to teach Joey in the one Friends, which doesnt help me very much because my name is not Claude. So I searched the city for the Eiffel Tower, thinking that its a pretty big thing so you couldnt really miss it. But it was the hardest thing to find. I swear I looked everywhere for the damn thing and couldnt find anything. So after about two and half hours of going back and forth between Parisian alley ways, I was getting discouraged. So I looked around for a place to eat hoping that I might grab something quick as I continue my search. And then I turned around and there again was my best friend. The IRISH PUB. OClearys was staring me right in the face and I said I need a little Irish pat on the back. So I walked in and I expected the guys to speak French so I talked slowly in English, "Do you speak English?" and the response I got from the guy made my life. He looked at me and said "Hell yea I do buddy, what can I get ya?". The Luck of the Irish! So I had myself another pint of Guiness and a club sandwhich and thought to myself about what the hell I was doing in Paris when I was not that thrilled to be there anyway. Reality sunk in: get out of Paris. So I paid the guy 16 euro for a sandwich and a beer and a whole heap of confidence. No wait, the story gets better.

So I asked the guy what train can get me to Monaco in South France. He told me the Gare de Lyon. So I asked how to get there and he gave me all these crazy bus directions. I looked at him and said "yea I got it man thanks" and walked off like an idiot. I was to afraid to waste money on a bus going the wrong way and a metro fare was through the roof. So I pulled my pack over my shoulder and said "Im a man, I can do this". Well lets consider how big Paris is before I tell you about the trek to the station. Paris doesnt seem like it would be that big but it felt a lot like putting Bostons confusing streets with the length of New York. I walked up and down Paris looking for this station. I realized, I was about 5 miles off. Being in no mood to deal with my own bitterness, I said lets do it. So I walked in my rainbow sandals to the Gare de Lyon. No wait, it gets better.

I get to the staiton and little did I know, that for every train coming out of Paris you need a reservation. Obviously I didnt have one, I thought the Eurail pass would work, but my luck ran out when I walked out of that pub. So I asked when I could find a next train anywhere south and the lady said sorry I have nothing open. So I tried to make one for today and she said sorry nothing is open. So I had to stay the night in Paris much to my displeasure due to the price of hotels/motels (By the way I emailed like four people on Couchsurfers a few days ago and no one has gotten back to me even up to today. Thats a real kick in the pants). So I sit in the station trying to figure out what to do. I think about it and I really didnt want to pay for a place to sleep and it was a pretty nice night out, so I figured I could sleep outside. No problem. The whole entire place was lit up with lights and there were people all around. I was in a decent area that was safe. So its about 10:30 and Im outside with my legs in my sleeping bag reading my book. And then this creepy ass guy walks up to me and asks me a question. And Im like "sorry buddy, I dont speak French", thinking that he will go away. But no, obviously not. "ares yousss Americana?" he asked me between the drags of his cigarette. "Yea I am" I said and then I looked down at my book. He asked my like three other things and I just said to him "I CANT UNDERSTAND WHAT YOURE SAYING", hoping that he will go away. He asked me again something in dumbass French and so I responded by getting pissed, "I DONT KNOW WHAT YOURE SAYING, IM JUST GOING TO READ MY BOOK. THANKS". He looked at me and got the hint and left.

Ok, Im a dumb kid Im not going to deny that. But Im not that stupid to sit there with wierdos like that around me (dont worry dad I wont do that again). I said to myself "Hell no dude, I saw the movie Taken and that shit is not happening". So I got my stuff and I went walking into Paris. I looked around for a cheap room and found one for 40 euros which is still an arm and a leg. And it was one of those dumpy ass rooms where all there is is a bed, a sink, a television that didnt turn on, and a toilet look alike to was the...well you know where. So I felt a lot like Tom Hanks in the movie Big where he had that place in New York for a while. There were French people screaming and it was just sketchy as hell. But I said it was a safe place to sleep and that was ok with me. Wait, no, it really gets better.

So I got up feeling good and energized and happy that I got the room and headed to the train station to find a train. I go to the ticket counter trying to figure out my stuff and the guy says he has a full price ticket to Torino but thats it. Im irritated as hell at this point because I just took out a bunch of money and its going quick but I had to get out of Paris or else I would go broke, so I said fine and took the train. The train ride was amazing. Some of the most gorgeous scenery that I have ever seen in my life. We went through the Swiss Alps and I was dumbfounded by some of the views. So then I figure I will get into Torino, find a cheap hotel like I did the night before and then be off to a place called Cirrique Terre where there is five small villages that I could stay at along the beach. Awesome. So I get into Torino tonight and I walked around for 2 hours looking for a motel. Nothing. All I found were neon bright lights that looked like motel signs but when I got close they said "RISTORANTE PIZZORIA", goddamn Italians (no offense Adam). So I found a Holidy Inne (Go figure. My first Italian hotel is American) and the lowest price they had was 70 euros. I had no choice but to take it despite my efforts. So I get into my room, pissed off, sweaty as hell, my feet hurt, and all I want to do is shower and obviously I cant figure out how to turn on the lights. So I try for ten good minutes and figure out how to do it. So Im relieved and I get ready to take a shower (meaning Im standing in the room butt naked) and what should happen? The lights automatically turned off! So Im standing in the dark running around an Italian hotel butt ass naked screaming "Where are the goddamn lights!?". Great. This is my adventure.

So I decided that there is a decision that must be made and I need to make it now. I am going to find a flight to Ireland within the next couple days where I can stay there until my flight home. I dont want you guys to think that this is a bad thing for me because its not. I realized that I feel at home in the Irish pub and I can relax. I cant relax anywhere else and I feel like Im constantly trying to survive and not enjoy myself. What I really came to Europe for was Ireland and now Im just going to stay there longer than planned. I wasnt too wild about the rest of Europe and of course I wanted to see stuff but like I said, this is My adventure. As I was on the train I thought about how Katy had met so many people when she came, and when I talked to Dara Fineman about her trip she said she met so many people. I almost felt bad like I wasnt doing what I was supposed to be doing and then I snapped myself back into reality and realized that my trip is my trip and it doesnt have to be like everyone elses. Ive been able to see the wierdest things so far and I have only been here for no more than a week. Its been an adventure already and Im learning as I go, which is the point I think. So dont think that Im sad and dont be sad for me because this is good. It can help me relax and I can also get a little bit more bang out of my buck.

Those Irish pubs are calling my name and I need to meet them head on with as much money as I can. And I am fully aware of the fact that if I needed any money I would be able to call any of you. But at this point thats not my issue. My issue is Ireland now. And thats where the next chapters will follow. I hope that all of you are doing well and I really cant wait to see you. This is the farthest away from everyone I have ever been and its not something someone would call an easy thing. I unfortunately forgot the other part of my adapter so I cant charge my ipod unless Im at a computer so I had no ipod on the train, and I had finished my book. So I sat on the train with nothing but my own conscience. Its a funny thing being the only one who knows the same language as yourself and the person who you end up having the most conversations with is your own mind. You pull out so many different memories about everybody that you have ever known. One thing I know is that if I come back with no real personal change or anything like that, the one thing that I have found out is how much I incredibly adore all of you. My friends and my family are the epitome of me and being away from you for only a short while has helped me understand the value each of you have with me. I sit around sometime when I wait for the train and I think about what Im going to write in my blog to all of you. Or sometimes I will open the camera and look at Kyras picture. Its amazing how being so far away and seeing the world can show you so much about what you have back at home.

I will update you all with the next opportunity I get. I cant promise it will be soon but Ill figure something out. Thank you all for reading and for giving a damn about what Im doing over here. I wouldnt be able to do this if you all werent behind me. Thanks.

It has been Jumped!

Saturday:

So it's been probably the longest/most uncomfortable day and a half in my life but I am still breathing. It's funny because the moment I stepped out of my house for the airport I started missing everybody. You never know how much you appreciate your home until you get booked at a hostel in downtown London and you're sleeping above a very creepy guy from Iceland named Auchler. But everything is really good. Obviously my sleeping patterns were off and I wasn't well adjusted to the time change so right when I got into the hostel (which was around 4 o'clock) I took a nap. It is an 8 hour time difference here. I was in and out of sleep until this morning at 5:30 am.


So I figured I was already up and I didn't have any real plans so I took a shower and I got my stuff packed up and I headed out the door at about 6:45 this morning and have been on my feet ever since. I walked all through London where I got to see the city wake up and come alive. I went and saw the parliament, Big Ben, the London Eye, the Tate Modern, and Shakespeare's Globe theater. I got lost a few times but I didn't have much to do so it really wasn't a problem. The city reminds me a lot of Boston because of the way it is built and the little back alley ways.


Before I left I had some cereal and met a few Australian people who were very nice. Being the American that I am all these stereotypes went through my head. I was trying very hard not to bring up Steve Irwin or Fosters Beer. The city is nice but I'm not in love with it. It is very gloomy and windy. But one thing I noticed was the fact that America has completely dominated over here. I see so many American brands and American trademarks. It surprised me a bit. One thing that I noticed about this place is that because California is so close to Mexico, we have a lot of hispanic people living and working in our community. But England doesn't really have that same interaction with a race that is so different from them with an exception of a relatively small population of people from India.


But pretty much it has started off a bit better than I had projected. I was worried that I might not meet or join up with people but I learned that I don't need to be with people to enjoy myself. I find myself way too interesting to get bored haha just kidding. Obviously it would be nice to travel with some people, but seeing London today by myself really was interesting. I will be able to survive without partners.


That's my story so far. I will hopefully upload pictures when I find a computer that will allow me to. But I am happy and safe. I really hope everyone is having a good time back at home. I appreciate all of your concerns and your wishes. It means a lot to me. Take care.

Conquistador.

Wednesday:

So I leave tomorrow morning at around 9 am to go to the airport for Europe and I can't stop thinking about the fact that I am actually leaving. I have never really ever been that far away from my comfort zone. Christ, I go to college five minutes away from my house, so as much as college has helped me really settle in to the idea of being an adult, I think this is the turning point for my mental maturation. This whole thing really hasn't settled in until this past night where I picked up my backpack from a person whom I am very fond of and that is Emily Roberts. She lent me a backpack and more personal advice than I could have asked for. I hope to become half the conquistador she is. If you don't know her, you should. Make it happen.

I realized that when I tell people what I am doing they automatically are either envious of me or frightened half to death by the idea. My mother since the day after Christmas, when I decided to do this, has asked me to take a "buddy" along with me. She is afraid of the idea that I am alone and when people say that it's not safe to do this by myself, in a way I appreciate that they are worried about what happens to me. When someone is scared for you, they really show how much they care about you. I think that's an incredibly intimate way of caring for someone, and 9 times out of 10 the person doesn't pick up on it at all.

So when I leave I will not be bringing my phone because knowing me I will lose it in LAX before I even got on the plane. It's a funny thing being away from your cell phone for a long period of time. Most of us have never had that experience since we got into the habit of using a cell phone everyday. We have become so connected to one another it seems almost impossible to disconnect. I don't see myself as disconnecting (despite my intentions) but I will be distancing myself from the instantaneous relationships we have with each other. Besides a few phone calls, a few emails, and this blog I will have nearly no contact with any of you.

7 weeks feels like a long time but in retrospect it is a short moment. It seems like a long time because I feel so uncomfortable being a new place with new people and I don't know how to do anything. I have a feeling it will feel something similar to the first month of school. I will be shy and will do nothing to stand out until I realize that I have nothing to lose. I will be back sooner or later and it will pass by very quickly as everything does. So I'll keep you updated with the world from my eyes.

Jumping the Pond

Wednesday: 

This will be the first of many summer blogs, to not only ease the heart of my mother but to make my self exploration public, as I leave for Europe alone in no less than eight days. The days almost seem like they are surreal as the moments pass by and my adventure seems to come closer and closer. There is no doubt that I am slightly frightened of the unknown and hope to find out more about myself than I do about the worn architecture of Western Europe. In some sense I wish everyone was coming with me, but in reality I didn't allow myself the possibility of a traveling companion. I understand that there things in life that you cannot force and some things that you need to make your life full of substance. And this endeavor abroad seems to fit into both of those categories. At times I feel that my choice is a bit irresponsible and then my youth kicks in. These are the most free moments of my life and I am choosing to acknowledge them. 

So I guess right now all I do is wait and make sure I have the essentials; toothpaste, underwear, moleskin journals, a pen, my duct tape wallet, and enthusiasm (which I am not lacking despite my mother's intentions). Everyone always says "Oh my god, you're going to have the time of your life!" and I really hope they are right. I think even if I come back disappointed in things that I saw or the people I met, I will come back something more than I am right now. I think that is possible; I hope that is possible. I am not going in vain. I feel like I'm looking for something but I don't exactly know what it is or how I will find that. I will miss everyone. My friends and my family have done nothing but support me in this attempt at manhood and I can only thank them for that. I will do my best to explore and live out the experiences they are not able to have at the moment. I will push the boundaries of my father's jealousy and post pictures and continue to embellish on the moments that I will encounter. So even though many of you cannot join me, you will be with me as I go.